Darkheelmet Meets Kirika
Darkheelmet: /fishing in the canals in the Dwarvin District of Stormwind.
Kirika: /walks by wearing a swimming outfit.
Darkheelmet: I guess you really don't want a fish from or to swim in Stormwind canals.
All I keep catching is A Sickly Fish.
Kirika: OK, so totally not my fault....
Darkheelmet: Hum?
Kirika: There was some extra, umm...left over, Enchantment materials that got a bit loose in my pack while I was watering my Drake in the canal.
And maybe there was some Scorpid meat that was sorta forgotten about, for four years, in the pack too.
But hey, the Gnome Warlocks liked it, they were skinny dipping in the, ummm, fallout.
Then a bunch of PETA jerks showed up.
They were like all, "Save the fish!!!"
So, I fed them to my crows, heh.
They became bird dirt, HAH!
But, then my crows kinda pooped into the canals.....
So, yeah, totally not my fault.
Darkheelmet: Well if that is why Stormwind waters are so bad, I would hate to see what Orgrimmar looks like.
Kirika: OK, so Orgrimmar was, like, completely not my fault....
Darkheelmet: Oh, no...
Kirika: So I get an order for six thousand metric tons of Goblin Rocket Fuel from, yeah you guessed it, Thrall himself.
What does he want with that much, hell if I know or care, it’s easy gold for me.
So I knock out the order and load it all on my Bronze Drake.
OK, so yeah, it’s over weight, but I don't give a shit and she can still fly.... mostly.
But, how was I supposed to know that the Horde had just declared war on the Bronze Dragonflight?
So due to totally stupid, lame, retarded, but surprisingly accurate anti-aircraft artillery covering the sky’s over Orgrimmar, my drake sorta, umm, fell into the city ravine and, umm, kinda leaked the fuel.
I tried to soak it up, but only cloth I had was my Alliance Battle Standard.
Yeah.....Horde didn't like seeing that.
But hey, Orcs got green blood, so now they have green rivers!
That tends to spontaneously ignite at random.
So, yeah, again with PETA.... Fed them to my crows... You can figure the rest.
OH, and Thrall never paid me, so if you see him, hit him up for me, 'kay?
Darkheelmet: So this entire Alliance verses Horde war is your fault?
Kirika: Um...... oops.
Darkheelmet: And I'm guessing you had something to do with Gnomeregan?
Kirika: Oh hell, don't blame the radioactive explosions, from my twenty three previous attempts at making a functioning Sky Golem, contaminating Old Gnomeregan on me!
I had, totally, nothing to do with that.
Don't even go there.
Darkheelmet: So I'm guessing the giant dragon that destroyed half of Stormwind, the Stonewrought Dam, and split open half the world had nothing to do with you or any toxic stuff you happened to lose.
Kirika: Sheesh, so I tried to tame a dragon.
Hunters tame pets.
Deal with it.
Darkheelmet: Oh...No way...
Kirika: Hehe, I was never so grateful for Aspect of the Cheetah, that dumbass dragon chased me across two continents.
Darkheelmet: Remind me to let King Varian Wrynn know who he can send the rebuild bills too.
Kirika: Bah, Stormwind...
You would think the Stormwind guards would cover my ass when I ran through the gates with a dragon on my tail.
Oh no, cowards ran down to the friggen docks and dove in.
Like they had never seen a dragon before.... pricks.
Hell, their queen was a friggen dragon!
I know!
I killed her ass!
Twice!
Darkheelmet: Why didn't you try and tame her?
Kirika: Phiff... Her dragon model skin was like so... normal.
I wanted a dragon pet with that totally rad, undead on-fire steel-plate skin.
Darkheelmet: But Deathwing didn't agree to your wish to become your pet, eh?
Kirika: ..........Dragons suck.
Anyway, that's why I only hang out in the Dwarvin District here in Stormwind.
Darkheelmet: Maybe you should go back to Darnassus.
Kirika: Umm......... can't.
Darkheelmet: Dare I ask?
Kirika: OK, so in all of Teldrassil, there are trees and plants and trees and more trees and all things that are trees and plants and that are not metal.
Hello, I'm an engineer.
I need metal!
So I go looking for some steady sources of raw material to engineer my thingies with, but I need something to work with.
I get some tools from a traveler...
Ok, I relinquished some tools from a traveler.........
Alright, I killed his ass and looted an axe and pick!
Anyway, so of course to try and dig for ore, I need to clear away some of the local growth.
I start hacking away at a large tree that was in the way of a totally plausible site of much precious ore that was most definitely there.
Now I completely blame that bitch whore priestess who taught school and cracked my knuckles with a ruler in class every day for NOT telling me that the whole damn island of Teldrassil is a big giant friggen tree!
Darkheelmet: You....
Kirika: Yeah..... I kinda cut down Teldrassil.
Darkheelmet: Wow... just, wow...
Why not stay in Iron Forge, or did you wear out your welcome there?
King Magni Bronzebeard found out about you and the Stonewrought Dam?
Kirika: Well, Iron Forge is...
How should I say it......
Dull.
Darkheelmet: Hah! I knew it.
Kirika: The dwarves can be a bitch.... tough and stringy, hard to butcher.
Darkheelmet: ....... uh....
Kirika: You really have to tenderize their meat for, like days, in order to even be able to chew it.
And hair..... Damn....
There is hair EVERYWHERE... and more on the women.
What hair doesn't get on you and everything you own, get wafted into the forge.
Fifty millions pounds of hair, burning day and night.
So you can't eat them, they stink, and you go through like thrity Magic Lint brushs a day.
I mean, really, the only thing Iron Forge has going for it is their breeding stock of Gnomes.
Darkheelmet: Wait, what?
Kirika: Gnomish UPW.
Darkheelmet: UPW??
Kirka: Unlimited Punting Works!
Darkheelmet: What? I'm a gnome!
Kirika: Yup.
/punt Darkheelmet into the canal.
Darkheelmet: /SPLASH
Damn it girl, /glub, I'll, /glub, get, /sploosh...... /blurp.
Kirika: HAHAHAHAHA, THAT SHIT NEVER GETS OLD!!!
Stormwind Guard 1: HALT, combat in the city is a crime!
Stormwind Guard 2: HALT, combat in the city is a crime!
Stormwind Guard 3: HALT, combat in the city is a crime!
Stormwind Guard 4: HALT, combat in the city is a crime!
Stormwind Guard 5: HALT, combat in the city is a crime!
Stormwind Guard 6: HALT, combat in the city is a crime!
Kirika: Ah, crap...
/cast Aspect of the Cheetah
Feet don't fail me now...
/run
What's that ahead... a portal!
/Use Portal: Pandaria
Pandarian NPC: Welcome to Pandaria, Night Elf.
Kirika: Ooooooooh.... someplace, new.... heh.
/end